So I got married…

So I got married and became the step-father of 7 kids, bought a house, met one of my personal comedy heroes and stopped being a trainer since we last spoke. What have you done?

Well I haven’t actually stopped training yet, I keep getting asked for “just one more class”. At this point it has been 4 and a half months since I accepted the job of Team Leader, and I am now scheduled to start the 9th of November. That is almost a month and a half since my team was created for me, and has been sitting with someone other than me watching over them, helping them, and bonding with them. Bitter sounding? Maybe a little, but they are gonna be the best team ever once I am able to be in my job… trust an’ believe. What, you want to talk about something else? Ok, let’stalk about the house.

Frenulum and I bought a dream house. It is 4 bedrooms, 3 ½ baths, has a 3 car garage, granite countertops, and is 2900 square feet. This is my third house, and I paid more than the other two combined and then multiplied by 2 for this one. Not bragging, just a fact…and I am scared to happiness. I friggin love this place. If my friends and family were asked, they would tell you I am not a materialistic person (at least I hope they would), but I am so proud of this place. It is amazeballs, and I am blessed to share it with my new wife…and 7 step kids. What, personal hero next? Well, if you are sure. I met Adam Carolla and attended a taping of his award winning podcast. Tell you more? Well, ok.

Frenulum is the love of my life and cares more about her man than he truly deserves. He mentioned once or twice his adoration of the unibrowed wonderment that is Adam Carolla. I listen to his podcast every day. He has about 6 that he does, and I try to listen to them all. Some believe that Benjamin Franklin’s famous words “Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.” are words to live by. I prefer “Does this make me money? Does this make me happy? If not, why am I doing it”? Can you guess thenasally droning, former earthquake rehabbing and carpet cleaning author of that little gem? That’s right, The Ace Man. 

7 years ago he did what every one of us dreams of doing every time our (so called) bosses treat us like something stepped on in a dog park; he told them to kick rocks and created a pirate ship of his own, reporting to himself. He was one of the first people to successfully monetize the podcast format and many have tried to copy his success, mostly to their failure. Newsflash bitches, THERE IS ONLY ONE ACE MAN!!!! Have I cupped his testicles enough yet? Back to the podcast. My baby bought us tickets to see a live taping of the flagship ACS and I had one of the best nights in years, only second or third to the first time Frenulum let me get all over her sideboob and the day she made an honest man outta me. She also bought me a copy of his last two books (signed by Adam with me there, and a shirt to shrink and eventually be given to one of my step kids. Step Kids Steve? How can it be? We thought you were never getting married again? How did such a thing happen? 

If I am being completely honest it was a whirlwind and I cannot possibly do it justice in the time I have left tonight. I will just go ahead and say that I am the happiest, best most loved man in all 50 states and quite possibly Puerto Rico. (That reminds me I have a PR story I never told you. Remind me please. I will tease that it involves a PR strip club and the winking brown eye of a dancer/prostitute. Nuff said for now) I will have to give you the details of the marriage another time. For now…

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.