Eww eww eww eww Woman,
I can hardly express my mixed emotions and my thoughtlessness
After all, I’m forever in your debt.
After all, I’m forever in your debt.
And woman,
I will try to express my inner feelings and thankfulness
for showing me the meaning of success.
I will try to express my inner feelings and thankfulness
for showing me the meaning of success.
I had a revelation yesterday. I was talking to someone about the Buckle (seems when people hear I am not from the Buckle, they all make that face. You know the face. The one when you tell a friend your puppy died or have a communicable disease) and she asked me how I was meeting the women I have been dating. I admitted I was meeting them online and I was hit with a revelation. Women that are online dating are insane. Let me explain.
I see women get hit on all the time. I have mentioned that I have no ability to do this myself, but I see it daily. I flirt all the time, but coming right out and asking the person to do something with me, not gonna happen. I am too afraid of the look of terror in their eyes or the awkward lie that they are a (insert name for female lover). I prefer to imagine what would have been and think of her as the one that got away, rather than the one that I hate and wish was deceased or had a communicable disease. It is horrible to be my mind…but I digress.
I realized that good looking woman get hit on at least 4700 times a day. The “hit” may or may not culminate with a haphazard attempt to continue the adventure, but it happens. Women have the power in a dating situation. They have options. I am pretty sure if a hot woman just walked up to me in the Piggly Wiggly, or one of the 78 different dollar stores here in the Buckle, and made flirty, small talk and then asked me to go to Starbucks so we can get to know each other better, my answer would be yes. Yesyesyesyesyesyes. If a woman resorts to online dating it is because she is clinically insane or has no other options. She has lost all ability to integrate into normal society. She has to resort to the pond like the rest of us bottom feeders.
Also yesterday the 55 year old lady that butchered my haircut told me I needed to go to a dating website. She told me that you get what you pay for with online dating. She was a former smoker that had that wet cough and didn’t get the memo about coughing into your elbow. VAMPIRE COUGH, VAMPIRE COUGH. I also think she was hitting on me by telling me she took this job at the male oriented haircutting establishment to meet men. She then did a creepy laugh that culminated in her wet, hacky cough. Yummy. Do you think she had a point, though? Is it possible that with online dating you get what you pay for? Maybe I should join J-Date, Single Christians, Mormon Meetings, Cougar Life, E-Harmony, Zoosk, Match and Ashley Madison all at once. Sure, I won’t be able to pay my rent this month but I will give myself more options. (The sad part is I named all of those from memory and didn’t have to Google a thing. Pathetic)
I have resorted to asking people I meet at work to hook a brother up. They all say no problem but I have yet to get an introduction. I keep asking the same people; reminding them they are letting me down. I am so sad and depressing it makes me feel both saddened and depressed. I figure if I ask good looking women to help out they must all have dozens of smoking hot friends that are just chillin’ in the on-deck circle, waiting for me to sweep them off their feet. Come on baby girl, let’s go to the Monster Truck Show or eat at the Waffle House. Yee Haw!!!!! I think I will just focus on myself and my job for a while…til another Top Top Bottom girl comes along.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it…
I would love to find the land of 4700 flirts a day. That doesn't even happen to me on the "multiple" online sites I am on. I dont think I'm hideous, and you know I'm not a nut job, and I would begin to think its me if it weren't the same for a lot of my non-crazy, good looking friends as well. I think I have to chalk it up to either Jax or that guys think they can always get someone younger or hotter. And a lot of us women still want the guy to initiate things…you know the old fashioned way. Do we really have a super power and not know how to wield it?
I can't speak for all men, just Steve Rogers and myself, but I don't think we are hideous or a nut job either. I hate to admit it but I don't posses the skills to initiate things as much as I would like. I am pretty good at communicating here and I rule the training room, but being able to walk up to someone and ask them out…..not this kid. And THAT is why I am stuck in online dating hell. Maybe there is a class or a pill I can take. And Kimmi, yes women have a super power and if they ever figure out how to use it to its fullest, men are doomed.
Omg your ideas of women getting hit on… Uhh. Definitely not how it goes down
Explain please.