Compression socks, Aisle 3.

August 17, 2017

So my doctor says i need to wear compression socks…and they look amazing. NOT!!!! Since my diagnosis with diabetes I have been to the multiple doctors offices…a lot of doctors, and a lot of times. I recently noticed my ankles were swollen. really swollen. I mean Fred Flintstone like swollen.

 Not quite this bad but this is really close.

And they hurt a bit too. The pain isn’t constant, but it is not comfortable to say the least. I cannot recommend Googling leg vein issues. I tried to find a picture like the one he showed me of what my leg veins look like just now and I saw some levels of nastiness I can never unsee. Not grandma porn bad, but pretty close.

In all fairness I have not been kind to my feet over the years. I am a fair bit overweight, in case you didn’t notice. I also have broken toes more than Evil Kenevil broke, well his everything. ok, maybe this is a slight exaggeration, but it has been a lot.

I am not a vain person by any stretch of the imagination, but wearing these silly ass socks today with a pair of shorts I felt like I was the bearded lady at the circus. And I live in Arizona, so not wearing shorts is not an option. Also thanks to my friend Dexter, my sock game was elevated while I was in New York. The bar is pretty high. I Googled “cool compression socks for men” and this is the very first image.

Really Google? That’s the best you got? Maybe I will start a sock company for old, fat, poor leg circulation guys that have been recently diagnosed with diabetes, a complete change to their diet, no sugar beverages, have 7 kids, 4 dogs, 4 cats, 2 ex wives and ho’s in different area codes that do a podcast since therapy is really expensive and are a bit anal-retentive about cleanliness and have a fair smattering of OCD and an aversion to finding something sticky anywhere…ever. Is that too specific a demographic? Maybe I will leave it to Amazon.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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