That’s the advice my Amazing Amy gave me after I took last Friday as a vacation day to make this Memorial Day Weekend extra awesome. I spent most of it in the bathroom with, what can only be described as, explosive diarrhea…your welcome.
The gastrointestinal delight lasted for 5 days and ended with me in urgent care and taking yet another sick day from work the day after a holiday weekend. The urgent care doctor gave me a plastic catch bin to sit between the water and my bum to catch the aforementioned explosion and three separate sample tubes to fill and return to them to run tests on for whatever parasites may have caused this. True to form, once I get home my body decides to accept the 5 days of the Pepto, Imodium and Maalox and stop all passage from that orifice all together. And just as unexpectedly as it began, it ended…not with a bang, but a whimper.
You may be asking yourself why I am telling you this. Why would anyone submit their horrible fecal terror for the world to hear about, to laugh at or ridicule me for? Why? Because I care. Learn from my mistakes. If Amazing Amy, or whatever you call your much better half, tells you that according to her tracking of events, when you try to take a longer weekend your body doesn’t like it very much and you are likely to suffer some Illness that will turn your expected joyous time away from work into a shit show, listen to her. She is smarter than you by far.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.