Just keep on breaking the rules
Come on, get ready to rule
Tough breaks in the neighbourhood
A hard case who’s up to no good
Living like trash, a society rash
Ready to break, and ready to dash
A bad deal and a real rough ride
You’re doing time on the other side
Come on, get ready to rule
Tough breaks in the neighbourhood
A hard case who’s up to no good
Living like trash, a society rash
Ready to break, and ready to dash
A bad deal and a real rough ride
You’re doing time on the other side
I have noticed lately that the “Guy Rules” need to be updated. This has nothing to do with South Carolina or me bashing people here…these rules that, unfortunately most are not following, are universal in nature. I am sure that some relate to woman as well, but I am gearing this towards the gentleman in my audience. These are in no particular order and will probably jump all over the place. It’s time to step it up guys and bring our A game.
· It is only acceptable to double dip when you are the only one eating. It doesn’t matter if you are alone in the room and no one can see you. It doesn’t matter if you are blocking the view of others or you think no one can see. It is just wrong. STOP IT!!!!!!
· Pull up your pants. Seriously. No one wants to see your boxers. They are underwear and by virtue of the name alone should be UNDER!! And if you are walking or running and you have to hold your pants from falling down, I am not talking pull them up because they are drooping, get a belt. STOP IT!!!!!!
· We all voted and carpenter jeans are done. You only need a loop to hold a hammer if you are building a house. If you are not working on Habitat for Humanity or doing a demo for Craftsman, don’t buy carpenter jeans. STOP IT!!!!!!
· If you are not in the UFC, and you aren’t, stop wearing Tap Out or Affliction shirts. If you want to wear the shirt you should have to get in the Octagon. STOP IT!!!!!!
· No more Ed Hardy. The dragon that starts at your neck and continues to your pants leg is a hot mess. STOP IT!!!!!!
· When you come into the restroom and there are 3 urinals, don’t go to the middle one. Pick a side so I don’t have to stand right next to you if I come in. And it I am in there, on one side or the other, don’t come up and stand next to me. Leave a buffer. STOP IT!!!!!!
· A few other restroom related rules: Pee in the toilet or the urinal, not the floor. Also you are wrong that it is ok to fart next to me just because we are in the restroom. Lastly, it’s called a mercy flush. Use it for the mercy of others. Don’t be a disgusting asshole your whole life. STOP IT!!!!!!
· Stop calling it a Man Cave. It is a sweat lodge with a flat screen and a chicken wing sauce stained old couch. It is the place where all the things you used to be able to have in you apartment before you got married go to die. STOP IT!!!!!!
· Don’t carve the logo for a sports team or a comic book superhero in your hair. Be a fan of whatever you want, just respect the rest of us and the woman next to you. STOP IT!!!!!
· Don’t try to be a bad boy because you think that is what woman wants. They should really be happy you are not a bad boy. Ask any female and if they are being honest they will say they want the bad boy till they get the bad boy. They always wonder why they get cheated on by the bad boy. And if you meet the person you are with by cheating with them, don’t be shocked when they cheat on you later. STOP IT!!!!!
· When it comes to sex, guys, it isn’t the one that doesn’t have to get up to get the wash cloth that is the winner. It is the one that GET’S TO PUT HIS PENIS INSIDE A WOMAN that wins you dumb asshole. And get up and take a fucking shower you nasty bastard! Lastly manscaping has gone too far. My editor asked me to add that she would rather have hair then stubble burn on her face from your poorly maintained nether region. STOP IT!!!!!
· Don’t be the guy on the new AT&T commercial that lies to the woman at the speed dating thing. If you only want to hook up, tell her. 9 out of 10 will tell you to pound dirt. The 10thwill let you pound her. Be honest. Lying cheapens the brand for all of us. STOP IT!!!!!
I will stop for now and give us guys a break. Feel free to message me a guy rule I might need to add or a girl rule that I can use when I start their list next week. Lastly, I have changed the format a little with adding a few links and only using one song. Let me know what you think. I am not married to anything and love to mix it up.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
These are man rules that are directed toward women.
I'm sure all men will meet the philosopher that wrote these
when we get to heaven.
Feel free to copy and share. All women must understand these.
1. Men are NOT mind readers..
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1.. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1.. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us..
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we…
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings..
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear..
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…REALLY.
1.. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports.
1.. You have enough clothes.
1 .. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1.. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping….
Funny Stuff.